Occasionally, when I wake up in the morning, I look over at my husband and wonder where the hell I am. (And who is this cute man in my bed?) As someone who was never certain I’d get married or have a family (and someone who waited a long time to do both), at times I’m in awe of my life. How did I get this life? When did I get old enough to have a ten-year marriage and two small children?
Our daughters resemble their dad in most ways – fair skin, brown hair, blue/grey eyes – and it’s obvious who their dad is. But, where’s their mom? Other than the fact that when the babysitter leaves, I’m the only adult left, how do I know I’m a mom?
Here are my top fifteen signs:
- I clean dried boogers off the walls/tables/bedframes (and my husband stopped picking his nose and rubbing his boogers on the furniture months years ago).
- I am conversant in Dora the Explorer Spanish.
- I know which sippy and straw cups leak (and the manufacturing execs who should be hanged for false advertising) and those I’d happily give a big toe to own. (Pssst: I’ll share this knowledge with new moms for a small fee!)
- I’ve become a connoisseur of children’s books and I really do care what happens to Pat the Bunny, Curious George and that little shit Fancy Nancy.
- I compare myself to other moms. (And why would I do that if I weren’t one?)
- I couldn’t wait for my daughters to start preschool. Then I wept inconsolably once I dropped them off.
- I get excited for back- to-school season.
- I feel like my heart is walking around outside of my body on most days, especially when the girls aren’t with me.
- I treat my babysitters better than my friends because it’s harder to find reliable, trustworthy babysitters.
- I took out a second mortgage on our home to pay for summer camp (How is it possible that summer camp is so expensive? I’m expecting my kids to come home with at least one marketable skill after such a remarkable financial investment. Is that too much to ask?)
- There are more dolls in my house than shoes. And I have a lot of shoes.
- I now occasionally think about what may be best for someone(s) other than myself.
- I’m thrilled and moved to tears by small homemade gifts (unless they’re from my husband for our ten-year anniversary – hint, hint); this portrait from my daughter for example.
14. Although our girls look like their dad, their behavior mirrors mine (And, yes, much of it is cringe worthy!).
15. I’ve become a Mama Bear – I’d do anything to protect these two little miracles. There is no question in my mind that I would die for them. And kill for them. (Not just willy-nilly murder mind you. I would need a fairly good reason!)
Here’s what some Facebook friends had to say in response to the following: You Know You’re A Mom When …
Misadventures in Motherhood: “Sniffing a toddler’s butt seems like a perfectly normal thing to do.”
- “You catch yourself singing a children’s song in the car by yourself…you catch yourself saying the things to your kids your mother said to you that you swore you would never say.”
- “When someone says they are hungry and you say ‘I’ve got goldfish, raisins, cheerios, apple juice, and formula’ what would you like?”
- “When your baby is constipated and finally goes, you tell the rest of the family, describe it, and give high fives!”
- “Using the bathroom with a baby on your lap is the norm.”
- “Upon hearing ‘MOM!’ in the store you reply ‘what?’ even when your kids are at home.”
- “You consider buying yourself a new nursing bra a big splurge.”
- “You know all the words to the songs in Go Diego Go. And Dora. And Curious George. And Backyardigans.”
- “You’ve seen Cars 217 times in a row.”
Carrie Bailey: ”Your nipples are sore but the only person you’ve been in bed with is your nursing baby who has teeth! Ugh!”
How would you fill in the blank? You Know You’re A Mom When … _________________