No parent is prepared to see his or her child like this:
Ambulance Fun!
Our daughter, Ava, is fine.
And I’m still terrified.
We recently went on a family bike ride at the Morton Arboretum in suburban Chicago.
Lovely grounds, perfect weather – we enjoyed the sumptuous views, laughing and complaining about pedaling up the many hills (unlike our usual route of flat, paved city streets).
Ava is a solid bike rider, but has no experience navigating hills. Specifically downhill.
As she picked up speed down a steep hill, I heard her yell, “This is sooo much fun!” Next thing we knew she was sprawled on the ground, covered in blood, screaming in pain and shock. She had skidded and spun on the pavement and took the brunt of the fall on her knees, chin and elbows, in that order.
My heart pounded as I ran to her yelling “no, no, no” silently to myself. Screaming rang in my ears, hers aloud, mine inside my head.
Terrified and shaken, Ava was inconsolable.
Thankfully, a passing car offered to drive us to the park entrance. From there, the Arboretum’s security guards took excellent care of Ava while we waited for an ambulance.
After some time in a local Emergency Room, Ava walked away with several deep scrapes and vicious bruises, all of which are healing beautifully.
I walked away with a wake-up call. Being a parent is terrifying. (You guessed it, I will make our child’s accident all about me. It’s one of my most adorable traits. You’ll have to trust me on this.)
Standing by and watching my child get hurt, knowing there’s nothing I can do to prevent her pain, is excruciating. When did I sign up for this?
And why didn’t anyone warn me?
Amid all the baby gifts, prenatal classes and casseroles, I didn’t take time to think about my fitness for this side of parenting.
My kids are going to get hurt. I am not in control. I can bubble wrap them (anyone know a good supplier?) and still not protect them from the world’s whims, accidents and injuries.
I want to be in control. And I’m not. Gulp.
We’ve been fortunate to avoid any major injuries or accidents (knock on wood) during our nine years of child rearing. Now one accident in and I’m ready to pack it up!
Before I became a parent, I anticipated the difficulty of watching my child in emotional pain, believing emotional pain (disappointment, frustration, hurt feelings, etc.) would be the hardest to handle. Yet while I hate when my children are disappointed or sad, seeing my oldest in physical pain hit me to my core.
I don’t love easily or necessarily well. Like many, I protected my heart from hurt, rejection and pain and hid behind a wall of ambivalence for much of my life. Now that my heart is open and full and walking around outside of my body in the form of our two daughters, I feel much too vulnerable. I want to be the only one to extract pain from them! Only me. The rest of life needs to stay away! Is that wrong?
Fine. I’ll focus on the positive for a moment, damn it. Ava is safe. She’s healthy, happy, confident, blah, blah. All is well.
I’m the one who needs valium support and faith to let go and trust the universe with my children.
So, here’s my prayer.
God/universe,
I get it! I get the lesson. I’m not in charge. You are. Amen.
So … now that I’ve taken that to heart, there’s no need for me to learn this lesson again. Right? There’s no reason my girls can’t be safe. Are we on the same page here, God? Good.
I’m too old for this kind of excitement.
I get it – kids fall. Falls teach them resilience and confidence. Accidents teach them faith and discernment. Injuries teach them about limits and life.
Got it! Thanks. We’re done here. You can move on to others who needs to learn this lesson. God speed to them.
As for us, if Ava can muster the strength and confidence to get back on her bike …
Back on the horse!
I can muster the faith to let her go.
Not on my watch!
Tomorrow. Or maybe next week.
Beautiful
Thanks, love.
Oh my goodness, that first picture of her…. So scary!
My oldest gave me the first shock of a lifetime when he developed a rare blood disorder called ITP that (thankfully) fixed itself after an overnight hospital stay and a few months of making sure a two-year-old didn’t hit his head too hard (good luck with that, right?!).
The second shock of my children’s lives being out of my control came when my second son (we’re officially done having kids, by the way) was three weeks old and was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Good grief, God, I get the message too. All I can do is take care of them the best I can while teaching them how to take care of themselves, and leave the rest up to them and to God. It’s kinda scary, but you gotta have faith that they’ll be okay. It’s the only thing that gets me through the days. That and their beautiful smiles, like the last picture of your Ava. <3 Hugs to you, Mama!!
Ooooh, are you a sweetheart! I teared up reading your comment. Thank you for understanding and for being so very brave with your own two children. I want to choose trust today and your comment will make it easier. Thank you! And hugs back at you!
Glad my little softball star is okay. Let her know I took a similar spill when I was about her age. Growing up in Louisiana near the Mississippi river, we road our bikes on the levee all the time. Mad at my mother, I took off ahead of her and instead of going down the levee at an angle, I went straight down. Brakes had little effect on wet grass and I ran right into the fence at the bottom and flipped over the fence. This was before helmets (maybe that’s why I laugh out of context all the time!). I don’t remember if I was knocked out, but we didn’t go to the hospital. A neighbor helped me up and we rode our bikes home. Kids are tough and resilient, our parental hearts take longer to mend! Tell her to take care of herself. I expect to see her swinging that bat next summer!
She’ll be out there swinging away! And she’ll be so happy to hear from you! Thank you for commenting. I had a similar bike accident also as a kid. And I am a bit loopy. I’ll blame that on hitting my head too! Hope all is well!
So happy to hear that Ava is OK. It is so difficult to see your child in pain(emotional or physical) and to not be able to fix it. Being a bystander to your child’s life experiences is so hard. For a controlling personality such as myself
it’s really difficult. But, I’m working on it! Have a great day!
You’re in good company!
It’s going to take me a good long while to get over seeing that first picture of AVA. Oh, how awful that must have been. I am glad her mama was right there, but it’s just awful to watch it all going down. I have no answers for any of this. But I will say for the record that I don’t agree that you don’t love well. That’s bullshit. You love expertly and perfectly.
Ok. I’ll go with your view of me. I am almost tired of picking at myself. Almost. xoxo
How scary! I’m so happy Ava’s ok. I am knocking on wood that we’ve been lucky so far. But, my oldest is nearly 16 and will start driving soon. That terrifies me. I used to think my youngest was going to require trips to the ER but he grew out of being reckless (he’s 8) at least for now. In fact, I’m the only one that’s been to the ER in the last year!
Love the last picture, very cute! The first one, I’d rather forget about, yikes!
I could have written this except you wrote it with so much more poise and style than I could have mustered. I am so glad Ava is OK!
Hey, kick-ass diva, no selling yourself short! And yes, parenting is a tough gig – absolutely terrifying. I actually can’t look at that picture of Ava any more – I tear up every time. I don’t want to, but I’m thinking I’ll hold my breath for next 40+ years!
So glad Ava is OK. I remember the feeling in my stomach when my mom’s dog bit my daughter’s face. Holy cow. I could not believe that it was happening. A few stitches to the face later and all seemed OK. And, she’s still OK with all dogs. Aren’t these kids amazing?
Even still, I vote for my husband’s idea. Lock them in the basement and pad the walls. We’ll let them our when we’re ready;)
Amen to your husband’s idea! I’m calling the locksmith now – 37 seems like a good age to let them out. I would completely freak if a dog, let alone my mom’s dog, bit my daughter’s face. OMG! You must have handled it beautifully – your daughter’s comfort around dogs proves it. Amazing all around! Thanks for commenting!
Oh my gosh! My heart is racing and bile is backed up to my throat. Mary, how did you handle this? I nearly fainted just reading it. I am so happy to hear that Ava is doing well. I need to lay down now (wait, did I just make your daughter’s accident about ME? Ooops.) I applaud your resilience.
I get the bile and racing heart! And I’m nothing if not resilient – many days later! Let’s see how resilient I am when we get the ER/ambulance bill. That will warrant its own post!
Oh my gosh. I can almost feel your fear. I’m glad to hear Ava is o.k. I remember when Natalia broke her leg when she was just under two years old. Fran and her were going down the slide at the park and the rubber sole of her shoe got caught on the slide. Fran’s weight behind her sealed the deal. I’d never seen my husband cry until that day. It was horrible. Amazingly, she was walking in the cast the next day and running soon after. We still cringe when we see pictures of her in the cast. It’s such a helpless horrible feeling. Being a nurse doesn’t help. I was skeptical the leg was broke and asked to see the x-ray. I guess I thought she would be screaming and crying relentlessly. Fran remembers it differently. Either way, I’m thankful it wasn’t worse. Glad Ava is safe. xoxo
Oh, no – a broken leg on Natalia when she was 2?! How awful! Poor little bug! And you – you brave mama! Deep breathing now … helpless and horrible are exactly the right words. For safety reasons, Ava will be locked in our basement until she’s 37 or so! Hugs to all of you!
I see your bike accident and raise you a horseback accident (at age 9) complete with knocked out tooth (baby one thankfully), cracked cheekbone and nightmares so bad we had our oldest see a therapist for a couple of months. Thankfully, it’s now just a story of “remember the horse accident”. I’m glad you all are ok and GET BACK ON THE BIKE!!
Sooooo scary! I’m happy to hear your oldest is fine now. And good for you for getting support. How do you keep breathing every time your kid gets back up on the horse/bike?
Oh yea, she’s not allowed on a horse again! However, her younger sister loooves horses and has been doing lessons for a while now. For some reason that doesn’t scare me. I think you have to go with your gut and what you KNOW each kid is capable of. Tatiana is just an accident prone young adult and she’s got all sorts of bizarre stories to tell! But, accidents happen and 99% of the time, they don’t. May the odds be ever in your favor!
Thank you! Ditto!
Wow. That had to be a gut-wrenching thing to see. I cringe when my four year-old cracks his head on the bottom of the counter when he’s running through the kitchen, so an accident like this has to be 10x worse to experience.
I love how you accept the fact that you really have no control over what happens in this life, and that you fight against your instinct to bubble wrap your little girl. It’s so tempting, but we parents have to realize that cuts, scrapes, bruises, broken bones, and broken feelings are a part of life — just like a hard fall from a bike.
God made us a resilient species, and our kids are even more so. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Ava riding again in no time.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment and for the reminder that we’re “a resilient species.” I take a little longer than my kids to bounce back, yet somehow we all do indeed bounce back. Thank you for visiting!
You made a great deal with God…all He wants is for us to KNOW we need Him!! See, you are “A Teachable Mom!!” You preached a good sermon, and life lesson here!! “Love the kids God gives us…and let Him take care of them!!
Love your post and love that Ava is fine!!
I love your comments and always look forward to your generous, loving feedback. Are you available to be my mom?
I’ve adopted all the kids, teens, and young adults in my Drama Team…so Yup! why not?? Welcome to the family!!